ALPHABET

'A AA AA AA ABLE ATTORNEY" is the first business listed in the Kenosha Yellow Pages. There is either something very obnoxious or something very clever about creating a business name that inevitably lists you as the first entry in the Yellow Pages, as if people routinely open the Yellow Pages the way they do a novel. Now that we have the internet, do people actually still consult the Yellow Pages?

It's the same reason Jeff Bezos named his company 'AMAZON.' But formerly clever businesses like 'Amazon" and "AAA Insurance" and "AAMCO" have now been relegated to page two of the Yellow Pages, due to the ultra-ornery-ness of businesses like "AAAABA About Recovery."

I probably just have a personal 'thorn' when it comes to this. I'm a "T." That means I remember being near the end of every line in grade school and high school. The only three behind me were Kid 'Thomas,' Kid 'Williams' and Kid 'Young.' Now our eldest married daughter has even worsened her lot by going from 'Taylor' to 'Thulin.'

But here's the larger question. What I wonder is: Who, exactly, invented alphabetical order? Ever thought about that? I mean, why does M come before P? Who said? It kind of ticks me off.

So, I'm proposing a new order to the Alphabet, based loosely on Scrabble, because everyone knows that's the coolest word game there is. Pass it around:

T N R L S D G C M W P B H F Y V K J X Q Z E I A O U

And be blessed.