I've discovered something about unforgiveness. I don't like to let it loose. When someone hurts me, when someone damages me, when someone says something against me, I kind of like to hold a grudge. I kind of want to get them back.I know you aren't like me in that way, but when I realize I should forgive --- man, I don't like that. That flies in the face of every instinct I have.
And it's amazing how the people closest to me can hurt me the most. Think about it: Unforgiveness isn't related to the proximity of the offense so much as it is to the proximity of the offender. What I mean is, a complete stranger can do something hideous to you, and you might be aggravated and upset, but you probably won't get bitter about it. On the other hand, if someone close to you does something hurtful, you have a much higher propensity to become resentful. Because we expect more from them.
Strangers don't hurt you; friends do. Strangers don't break your heart; friends do.
But the hardest fact of all is that you and I are responsible for our own bitterness and our own unforgiveness. Luke 6 says that the good man brings good things out of his heart and the bad man brings bad things out of his heart. And if unforgiveness and bitterness and resentment come out of you, it's just evidence there was unforgiveness and bitterness and resentment in you already.
If you have two glasses - one filled with clear water and one with dirty water - and you bump one and spill it, what comes out? Whatever's in there comes out. It isn't the bump that fills the glass; it just exposes what's already there.
'You and I are going to get bumped in life.'
You and I are going to get bumped in life. People are going to disappoint us. People are going to say things that are hurtful. Someone is going to injure you. And when resentment comes out, we'll have a leaning, out of our own self-protection, to say: 'Look what you made me do. Look what you made me say. Look how you made me feel.' And the utter honesty is that it was in you already. It was in me already.
We aren't looking to examine everybody else's heart in this - just our own - to ask God to help us get rid of any and all bitterness and place grace there instead - so when we get bumped in the future, it will be grace that comes out, instead of resentment.
And be blessed.
1 comment:
Overall, but not always, I can forgive another person when I have been hurt. Sometimes, I have the hardest time with my parents. They absolutely never apologize for anything...and NO I am not always the one at fault. I forgive them anyway, but it would make me feel better if we BOTH owned our part. Normally, I will say I'm sorry when I have hurt someone. That's not the person I would like to be. I'd much rather be an encourager, not tear someone down.
I think we all have areas in our lives where we have been hurt or wronged. It makes us more susceptible to certain situations. When another person touches that wounded part in us it can hurt us terribly. I have heard on more than one occasion that the things that bother us the most about someone else are the things we don't like about ourselves...it's just easier to see their flaws. Honestly, I don't know if that's true...no matter how many times I hear it.
It's so hard to turn the other cheek in the midst of an argument or disagreement. I hate the times that I respond to a hurt by lashing out. I almost, without fail, end up saying something that I regret. And, like you said, some people really do hold onto grudges. I think that we all are just human and these things happen sometimes. At least till I get bumped again... :/
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