I did something in our church years ago that really upset a person. I paraphrased that little catch phrase they use at 'Alcoholics Anonymous' where someone says, "Hello, my name is ______ , and I'm an alcoholic," except I said, "Hello, my name is Kevin, and I'm a sinner."
Well, that person came up and let me know in no uncertain terms that they were extremely offended that I would say such a thing. 'How could you, being a pastor and all? That's terrible.' I remember my response back to him: 'Well ... uh ... because ... my name is Kevin ... and ... er ... I'm a sinner.' Not well received.
I've had people tell me I'm too transparent. Maybe. Some like that quality; others think I should be modeling more consistent stories of personal victory rather than admitting that I'm like everybody else. Maybe I should be better than everybody else, I don't know.
Here I go again.
Some people think we pastors - spiritually speaking - are the varsity team and everybody else is JV. We're the Olympic athletes and everyone else are amateurs - that we have most of our stuff together - we don't experience any bumps in life - when we open the Bible, little white doves automatically fly out - we have no personal theological gray - we wake up every a.m. and play worship songs and quote C.S. Lewis and after several hours of that, we fill up mega-journals with deep God thoughts. And certainly we have personal sin figured out and altogether defeated. We never experience setbacks of our own.
I know you think that.
But I live in the same world you do -- same stimuli -- same temptations -- same media -- same rude cashiers and hectic rush hour traffic and angry drivers -- the same selfish, greedy impulses rear their ugly heads in my life as in yours.
'The very worst place I can think of being is on some manmade pedestal where there's no place to go but down.'
And the truth is, sometimes I have a leaky bucket between the time I leave church on Sunday morning to Sunday night. I carry all these great intentions, but then I get tested and I fail, so I promise God I'll never fail again, only to fail again and feel worse than ever.
So my admission to you as you're reading this is: There are still some things in my life I need to submit to the Lordship and control of Jesus that still sometimes refuse to bow their knee. My life is messy too, just like yours - and the very worst place I can think of being is on some manmade pedestal where there's no place to go but down.
And be blessed.
3 comments:
Enter grace.
Enter grace.
There was a time when I hoped you would be my "Jesus with skin". Really, you cannot possibly be there 24/7. So, I did you have you on a pedestal. I understand more now.
I love your transparency. I can talk to you about most anything and you may not always agree or you give me guidance, but I know you aren't going to whack me over the head with a bible. I could not talk to the Catholic priests. I tried one time only and he made feel as if I was going straight to hell. That was it for me.
There have been so many times that I forget you are my pastor and speak to you as if you are a good friend...like'one of the guys". I suppose I shouldn't, but I was not raised in the church.
Please don't change. Your transparency is one of the best things about you.
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