I think it is uber-difficult for a pastor. I could be wrong, because I am one, but it just seems to me that there are extra challenges. Your opinions, your leadership, your 'aura,' your reputation, your 'bubble' - all play in somewhere with it. And yet you crave it just like everybody else.
Real community doesn't just happen. The Bible gives us some pretty direct counsel on this when it comes to relational health. 'If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him - work it out between the two of you.' (Matthew 18:15)
"He practiced real and authentic community."
Picture a conversation between me and a friend who has an idea for ministry. After our talk, I am not real sure it is a fit for our church and we talk that through. I know there is disappointment, but we end the conversation on an up-note and then move on. I don't think much about it until the next day. He calls to say, 'You know, I kind of got my feelings hurt in the conversation yesterday. I had an idea I really liked - I believed in it - but your reaction made me feel stupid.'
That is a devastating conversation. This is a person you love and the last thing you would do is be intentionally hurtful. You may have been right about the actual decision and it may have been tough to express your decision, but equally tough was the phone call this man made to keep the community real.
It was difficult to hear, it was difficult for him to say, but it was healthy. It was real. He could have sat on it and let it turn into bitterness. He could have let it drive a wedge between us. He could have called ten other people and told them about it. But he didn't. He practiced real and authentic community.
Beautiful. Jesus said: 'By this will all men know You are My disciples, if you love one another.' (John 13:35)
Francis Schaeffer has a comment on this verse:
"Jesus is giving a right to the world ... He gives the world the right to judge whether you and I are ... Christians on the basis of our observable love ... (Jesus) is saying that if I do not have the love I should toward all other Christians, the world has the right to make the judgment that I am not a Christian ... There is a mark which, if the world does not see, allows them to conclude, 'This man is not a Christian.'"
Food for thought.
And be blessed.
2 comments:
I love feeling that I am a part of a real community. As if I belong and there is a place for me. I love that the church is a family. Family is there for you thru the ups and downs. I've always seen you as the Head of the Family...dispensing advice and wisdom, but you are accessible, too and real. I can relate to you as a person, not just a figurehead.
I love these kind of blog posts. It sort of ties into the Velveteen post...when you are Real you don't mind if it hurts. I think we all come into all relationships with hurts and wounds and expectations. Then, in developing a friendship, you are bound to be hurt. The question is, are you going to throw your hands in the air and walk away or are you going hang in there and realize that the bottom line is that you really do care about one another. The friendship is valuable and real and worth so much more than throwing it away. I think those types of relationships are a gift from God. He puts us in situations like these to grow and show love to one another, just like He asks us to. It is the kind of relationship He wants with us and the kind that we long for.
I know over time that our friendship has had its ups and downs and I am really grateful that it has lasted and we understand each other more than we used to. I'm also grateful that I can feel safe enough to tell you who I really am inside and not feel rejected and abandoned. To me, that is real community. I can completely understand your point that, as pastor, you have additional issues to deal with. I just know that I don't expect you to be perfect, because you are our leader. In the big picture, you are awesome and those times when you do share what's inside, it makes us that much more able to see ourselves in you. We're really blessed to have you there for KFA.
Ooops...so sorry that was so long! I just got started on it and ...it turned into a novel..lol. :)
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