Sunday, February 14, 2010

GUARD



Today was a chance for both Joelene and me to share in the morning services as a team. Since it was Valentine's Day today - and since it was also the beginning of a brand new series - and since the series is called "THE VOW" and is all about relationships and marriage - we decided to go all out and 'dress' for the occasion. That's us today in the posted pictures.


All of us have stuff inside – and you don’t know what’s in you until you get bumped --- and most of us don’t get our first real big hard gut-wrenching bump until we get into a FULL TIME romantic relationship.


And this is why people who make the ultimate commitment to each other end up madder at each other than anyone else on the planet – and he is absolutely sure the reason he reacts is because she gets on his nerves and she keeps saying that thing and doing that thing and she knows full well how mad that makes me … but the truth is, the reason he reacts that way is because that response is already in him. And she is pretty sure if he would just stop and if he would just start and if he would just do more of and if he would just continue and if he would just do less of, then she wouldn't be reacting that way ... but the truth is, she responds that way because that's what is already in her.


We all have stuff in there. But most of us blame the person we’re most in love with for what comes out of us.


The writer of Proverbs gives us some help on this. This is the smartest guy on the planet, remember? He knows everything. He wrote Proverbs - and Ecclesiastes - and Song of Solomon - and he writes in Proverbs 4:23 - 'ABOVE ALL ELSE ... ' which means what I'm about to tell you is as important or maybe more important than everything else I've said so far - and that's quite a mouthful coming from Solomon, the wisest guy on earth. He says - more than anything else - THIS IS IT ...


And if you’ve read much of his work, you know this guy talks about everything ... MONEY – WORK ETHIC – FAMILY --- RELATIONSHIPS --- SEX --- GETTING OLD --- FUTILITY OF LIFE ---- and yet, HERE he says … "Above all else, guard your heart.' (Proverbs 4:23) Which means, give great attention to what is going on INSIDE you.

In Bible times, the heart represented the seat of emotions – and Solomon says, “I want you to GUARD that part of you --- your EMOTIONS. I want you to pay ATTENTION to themcover what is valuable. I want you to PROTECT and DEFEND your heart.”


Now – if I were to suggest that each of you share your personal strategy for GUARDING YOUR HEART, most of you would say, “I’ve never THOUGHT much about that before.It almost sounds like psycho-babble – what does it even MEAN? So if we think that’s just some cute BIBLE SLOGAN, chances are we’re not really doing it – yet SOLOMON says it’s the most important thing you can do. Above all else, guard your heart. But let me tell you what we ARE really good at. We’re not that great at guarding our own hearts, but we’re really good at monitoring our partner’s behavior. We’re really good at examining what they do – what they don’t do – what they say – what they don’t say – we’re great at monitoring that.


In your relationship with that person you've made vows to – the one you love the MOST – you want to FEEL a certain way. We know our feelings are unreliable … they don’t always mirror the truth … they can’t be trusted. But here’s the REALITY about our FEELINGS. You DO want to feel loved – you want to feel accepted – you want to feel embraced. Ladies, you want to feel pretty ---- guys, you want to feel respected ---- you want to feel confident – you want to feel cherished and valued – you want to feel taken care of. And let’s FACE it ... we were drawn into these relationships in the FIRST PLACE primarily BECAUSE of emotion. We loved the way they made us FEEL. We loved it when someone said, “Hey, look who they’re with.” We were drawn in because of the EMOTION this person created inside us --- and it’s NORMAL to want to keep those emotions alive.


So, to PROTECT ourselves, we monitor the OTHER person’s behavior. We try to get them to stop doing certain things – stop saying certain things – start doing certain things – start saying certain things – because we don’t like the way some of those things make us FEEL – or we LIKE the way certain things make us feel. And it’s totally normal to want that. The PROBLEM is --- and this is why relationships are so DIFFICULT) ... we come to DEPEND on our partner to CREATE those feelings in us and for us.


I’m depending on YOU – almost SOLELY – to make me feel confident, cherished, accepted, loved, secure … and all of that goes on behind the scenes in every relationship – and when stuff comes out of us that we don’t like, the tendency is to blame the person who we think brought it out of us – and that is TYPICALLY the one we’re in the closest ROMANTIC relationship with – but REALLY, it was already IN us to begin with.


And HERE’S the part I think your experience will bear witness to … your tendency to feel certain things is determined by the CONDITION OF YOUR HEART – and how well you’ve GUARDED it. And NO AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT can compensate for this dynamic of the CONDITION OF YOUR HEART. You may stay together because you’re 1,000% against divorce no matter what --- “We’ll just put duct tape down the center of the room – the house – the bed – we’ll just co-habitate.” But it’s the condition of YOUR heart that’s as big a player in this as anything your partner brings to the table. It’s about your HEART.


So if your HEART is in bad shape, it will be almost IMPOSSIBLE to maintain a healthy relationship in your marriage. And here’s the bottom line … what’s in you is going to come out of you regardless of who’s with you.


So 'guard your heart - above all else - for out of it flows all the blessings of life.' (Proverbs 4:23)


And be blessed.


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