Joelene and I had the opportunity to speak at a Couples Retreat in Waupaca this past weekend. Here are some thoughts from Session #3 of that retreat (see the past 2 blogs for more):
In every love relationship, at some point, there is a gap between what we EXPECT and what we GET. And here’s the choice you make all the time. In every one of these gaps we either choose to believe the best or assume the worst. We put one of those in the gap … every time.
In fact, I don’t have to go much further for you to know which your partner does – but it’s way harder for you to see what you do. Ask your partner. They’ll tell you which you do. In fact, you’re all already THINKING about it.
You can get into this cycle and in this very weird way, you actually start looking for the bad in the other person. You come very close to actually CELEBRATING the wrongs. You start thinking you’re winning arguments and you may win some, but you are losing the most important relationship in your life. And it’s your choice … every single time … as to what you put there in the gap. Believe the best --- or assume the worst.
But we’re not looking for an opportunity to put something in each other’s MINUS column. Instead, we’re actively looking for a way to build up the PLUS column.
Where do YOU naturally go with that?
And be blessed.
2 comments:
When I was married, I always thought very highly of my husband. I was a very good "Woman behind my man." He rose quickly in his career and I was behind him all the way. HOWEVER, he had this very bad habit of being late all of the time..from work, from golf, from...you name it. I chalked it up to him not loving me as much as his activities. Over time, it was a wedge between us and we grew apart from one another. Now that he is remarried, I hear that he is the same with his new wife and I know he loves her very much. It is just his bad habit...in an over all good man.
In other relationships that are important to me, it is the silence that tends to make me expect the worst, sometimes. One of the best and worst things about me is that I tend to be very open with the ones I love. It also means that far too often, I end up with "My foot in my mouth." Then, I end up worried that the other person is mad and won't speak to me again. It's happened a few times and it makes me sad, because when we push past it and talk things over.. we can end up with an amazingly deep relationship with every layer that we peel away.
I am a "the glass is half full" person. I expect the best from people, hence my nickname in HS pollyanna. I find that I get kicked in the teeth with this attitude because people never live up to my "expectations." Now I know - they never can.
Post a Comment