PAIN

I am in pain.

Hold on. Let me back up and explain. Stay with me.

I am committed to change. I'm not talking about moving the drums to the other side of the platform or putting a different flavor of coffee at the church cafe or changing the color of the lobby paint. I'm not against any of those changes, but that's not the kind of change I'm talking about.

I'm talking about the change God wants to do in ME, the pastor. Some of that change is painful. There is often a period of brokenness we go thru where God changes us ... where we look our own failings and inadequacies right in the eye and submit them to the Renovation of God.

Maybe I'm overstating it, but it seems that what happens inside a pastor (ME) has a direct impact on the church. Before the church changes, the pastor (ME) must change ... and not without some pain. Maybe great pain. For both church and pastor (ME), and probably not in that order.

There are all these great bottled-up ideas out there - the next great church model - the next great book or magazine - the next great CD or DVD - but REALLY - they are all pretty meaningless unless the pastor (ME) is open to look inside himself first.

Surrender to pain. The pastor (ME) doesn't have what it takes to help us reach our potential - or get us to the next level --- so the pastor (ME) has to surrender himself to be changed before he tries to change the church.

I am committed to change. I am committed to pain. I am committed to let God change how I think about myself and the ministry. I have to do that before I even BEGIN to dream about how the church might change. In other words, MY life has to be re-tooled - who I am, what I think about, my motives, my relationships - before I can tell you anything that might make a difference in your life.

God has called me to be a pastor/shepherd of a congregation, which means what happens inside ME will be significant to those God is attempting to influence thru me.

I can bemoan the thought that I work my head off trying to create exciting and authoritative messages week after week and attempting to deliver them with spell-binding effectiveness month after month, yet it seems people aren't growing much. There are people who have been coming to church for years and the Fruit of the Spirit doesn't seem to be present much in their lives. There is judgmentalism of other believers, disdain for unbelievers and criticism of the way I lead. There may be some high-octane business leaders in our church who think I just don't know HOW to lead.

I may feel that I'm always 'on call' ... running to hospitals, setting up meetings, having breakfasts or lunches with people, trying to be at birthday parties and graduations, weddings and funerals. Since most people work during the day, I try to free up some evenings to meet with them, which takes me away from my family.

Volunteers?! We have the typical 20% of people doing 80% of the work. I'm tired trying to recruit people to do various ministries in the church. I'm tired of guilting people. Many are too busy today to do anything but attend on Sunday mornings.

And MONEY?! Man! We'd love to re-design some of the church interior, fix up much of the exterior, hire some people to do some family and counseling and outreach ministries - but though we are growing - the money doesn't keep pace all the time.

But I am committed to change ... and to pain, if necessary. But the primary drive is not to change the volunteerism percentage in our church - or to change the money situation - or to change the schedule of meetings or the work load -- but to let God change ME. The DEEP me.

The problem is ... people, including ME, rarely change until there is significant pain with the way things are.

God, bring the pain - and the change. I am ready.

Be blessed.